This weekend was such a blast. I got wasted two nights in a row, made out with an equally drunken white chick, met lots of new cool people who I will probably never see again, and I ate like shit. On the down side, I lost my cell phone, missed my Saturday morning shift for work (the verdict is out on whether or not I will lose my job...this is like the third time it has happened, and each time my excuses grow more and more elaborate as to why I could not make it to work), and woke up sitting in my truck at a gas station parking lot with no idea how I got there (black-out drunken driving anyone?).
That last part really scared me actually. I mean I could have easily gotten a DUI, or gotten in an accident and hurt myself and/or somebody else. I usually refrain from driving under the influence, and am truly ashamed that I would attempt to drive when I was that drunk.
So last night, after I had some alone time with my good friend Mr. Bubbler and his cousin Mary Jane, I began to do some thinking. The big question that popped into my head was, "Why do I keep drinking?" I'm not going to lie, I love getting wasted, although I rarely plan to get wasted...it just kind of happens. Once I hit that two or three beer mark, something inside me says "holy shit this is awesome, we need more!" All of a sudden, the surrounding females are beautiful, and all the guys are my best friends...but that is about the extent of the beneficial attributes of drinking alcohol.
I had kind of known for a while now that I have a drinking problem, and have been trying to limit my drinking when I go out, you know...only 2 or 3 beers can't hurt right??? It became apparent that I had a problem when I realized it's not normal to black out every time I get drunk. Most of my friends have only blacked out once or twice, but for me, 30...50...100...how the fuck do I know? I know it's happened a lot...pretty much every time I drink I black out and wake up wondering what happened the previous night.
So far I have avoided getting into trouble with the law or getting injured, but I have done a lot of dumb shit, on account of blacking out so many times. Here is a quick list of things that occurred during my black out state or after waking up and being somewhat lucid (I am not bragging, believe me. This shit is not cool)
-Woke up lying in the parking lot of a Citgo gas station about 2 miles from where I live (thanks for waking me up, random black guy!). It was like 6 AM...so I must have been walking around for a while after my friend dropped me off at my apartment.
-Woke up in the backseat of an unknown vehicle somewhere in Buckhead, with my jeans ripped up, money and cell phone gone. To this day I don't know who's car it was, or how I get inside of the car. This was a Sunday morning, and I missed my shift for work. I had to think of a stupid excuse for what happened so they wouldn't fire me, and they didn't.
-Vomited all inside my friends car who was nice enough to be the Designated Driver on my birthday.
-Vomited all over my friends couch and went back to sleep in it, just to be woken up by his pissed off room mate.
-Vomited all over the hood of my car and laid on top of it, as my extremely beautiful neighbor was coming home from work (I'm guessing she works at a bar because it was pretty late).
-Woke up sitting in the passenger seat of my truck, covered in my own vomit.
-Woke up face down on the bathroom floor on numerous occasions.
-Almost started crying when the door guy wouldn't let me in the club because I was too drunk.
-Got a ticket for peeing behind a dumpster after leaving the club...I never paid for it.
-And a lot more stupid things that ended up being really embarrassing when I hear about it the next morning.
-I have a bad habit of drunken texting, or overall just pulling out my cell phone when I'm wasted, so incidentally I've lost up to 10 cell phones, and that's a lot of money right down the toilet.
-I've done a "no call, no show" at work about 3 times, and they still haven't fired me thank god. But I know if I keep pushing it, they won't be nice forever.
-I have called out of work, however, several times, and have always said "sorry I think I'm sick with the flu."
And let's not forget...THE HANGOVERS!!! I'm not talking about the movies, I'm talking about how the day after drinking is entirely fucking ruined because I spend the whole day trying to not throw up.
Another horrible thing is the amount of money that has been literally pissed away through the art of drinking. Combine that with the cost of gas driving to the clubs downtown, food that I eat afterwards because I'm drunk and starving, missed shifts at work, a public pee pee ticket, and replacing 10 lost cell phones, that's A LOT of fucking money!
What I'm getting at is...I'm 26 years old now, and my life is going nowhere. I've tried being careful with alcohol and cutting back and not drinking as much when I go out, but that doesn't work for me. My only solution is to quit. Sorry alcohol...you were like that best friend that is awesome to hang out with, but something bad always happens when we get together! I will definitely need support from my friends and family...because this will not be easy! Cheers!
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